The Onion: The Dalai Lama announced Monday that the next will be his final life before retirement.

Saboteur of Education DeVos has effectively ended investigations into the fraudulent practices of for-profit colleges.

The saboteur-in-chief, having owned one, would naturally resent the idea of investigating others.

It is part of a systematic plan to help companies cheat people.

Large investment institutions are pressuring oil companies and banks not to invest in drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

Any and all development of new oil or gas fields is an irresponsible decision, given that civilization's survival depends on cutting back quickly.

"Trump threw a match into Jerusalem with no plan to put out the fire."

The move of the US embassy provoked Palestinian protests, but that is not directly responsible for the killing of 52 more protesters. What's responsible for that is the Israeli policy of eager killing.

Bernie Sanders condemned the massacre.

Contrast that with the sniveling of most US politicians.

Pressure to have a "positive" attitude is a burden on people that have cancer, and it doesn't let up even when the cancer is terminal.