(satire) *porn industry leaders held a press conference Monday to announce the immediate closure of all orifices.*

Don't go to the orifice — work from home!

*Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe freed temporarily from Iranian prison.* She is now under house arrest instead, which is at least much safer.

*TikTok 'tried to filter out videos from ugly, poor or disabled users'.*

US citizens: call your congresscritter at (202) 224-3121 and call for strong action to protect Americans from the effects of the epidemic. Please support these proposed actions:

• Guaranteed paid sick leave for ALL employees
• Extended Medicaid
• Immediate one-time payments of $1,500 to every adult and $500 to every child
• Suspension of the Trump administration’s “public charge” rule that enables federal officials to deny green cards to immigrants who use social safety net programs

If you call, please spread the word!

US citizens: stop Wall Street from using the coronavirus to weaken bank regulations.

If you sign, please spread the word!