"Ew, evolution, what are you doing?"

"Making a fruiting body for the stinkhorn fungus. Isn’t it cool?"

"Hmm. I’m not sure that’s the way to go here."

"Why not? It helps the fungus spread its spores."

"It’s just that it looks a little… anatomical."

"What? Nobody’s going to think that."

“Everybody’s going to think that.”

"But I made it smell like hot death!”

"Yeah, that isn’t helping."

"You’re no fun at all."

Sometimes evolution makes beautiful animals that move with all the elegance of a finely-honed ballet. Other times… it makes ducks.

I love a barbecue and some fireworks as much as the next human, evolution, but don’t you think decorating the crayfish is a little bit excessive?

"Crap. I think the bat extruder’s broken again."

"How is that possible, evolution? We just fixed it last—oh. Oh, yeah, that’s not right."

"They’re pretty bad, huh?"

"They look like shriveled hairy potatoes"

"Hang on, maybe I can salvage this."

"Nuh-uh. No. No way."

"I mean, it is kind of cool how that one skin flap can stretch all the way over their faces.”

"Kind of horrifying, you mean."

"Maybe I can spin it as an adaptation."

"For what? Frightening small children?"

“‘Wrinkle-faced bats.’”

"How on Earth has no one fired you yet?"

Source: Jplevraud/Wikimedia Commons

"What’s going on there, evolution?"

"I’m trying to come up with some new insect shapes. I’m tired of them all just getting eaten all the time."

"Well, that’s kind of how you made the food chain, isn’t it?"

"I want this planthopper to look fierce. I want it to look formidable. I want any lousy would-be predator to stand back in quietly trembling awe and never even dream trying to swallow it.”

"So… you gave it a peanut for a head?"

"Hey, it’s a work in progress, okay?"

Source: Hectonichus/Wikimedia Commons