You know that game where you draw the first part of something, fold the paper over, then hand it to someone else, who has to add the next part without seeing what you did? That’s basically how evolution made the marabou stork.

"Hey, evolution, remember when you tried making that fish with paired butt fins?”

"I don’t want to talk about that."

"Why not? I thought it was an awesome idea.”

"Shut up."

"No, seriously. I think you should bring those back. Call them ‘feathery buttfish’ or something."

"It’s been 370 million years, okay? Cut me a break."

"‘Magnificent ass-flappers.’”

"I hate you."

So evolution made a blue-tongued skink. What are you going to do, fire it? Yeah, good luck finding anyone else with 170 million years of skink-management experience, assholes. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, evolution. There’s no way that’s going to fit."

"It’ll fit."

"No, it won’t."

"Yes, it will!"

"No, it won’t! You need to give the great blue heron some teeth or something if you expect it to eat fish bigger than its head."

"Teeth on a bird? That’s ridiculous. It’s fine, it’ll fit."

"It won’t. Don’t force it! What if the heron chokes to death?"

"Oh, come on. I made its throat a little stretchy; I’m sure it can deal."

Hey, evolution. It’s really cool that you made starfish so they can regenerate their arms if they lose them. That was a pretty smart move. And it’s especially awesome that you worked it out so that the detached limb can regrow a whole new animal. Excellent thinking there, really. It’s just that while it’s doing it, uh… it looks a little… gosh, how do I put this delicately?