Chin up, sea toad. Evolution may have given you a grumpy face, a potato-sack body, and what looks like a permanent case of chin rash, but at least you got legs, right? How many fish get legs? Legs are probably good for something underwater, right? They probably are. I mean, they certainly don’t look useless dangling from your weird little abdomen like that while you swim. Not useless at all. You really are a lucky fish.

Video courtesy of NOAA Okeanos Explorer Program

“Oh, that’s a cute one, evolution! What is that?”

“It’s a hyrax! It pees in holes.”

“Huh.”

“Guess what it’s most closely related to.”

“I don’t know, what?”

“No, guess.”

“I mean… rodents, right? It’s a rodent?”

“Nope. Teeth are different.”

“Oh. Um, is it some kind of tiny fat dog?“

“What? No.”

“Oh! Is it like that weird miniature deer you did?”

“Ha, no. That was a good one, though.”

“Okay, fine. I give up. What is the hyrax most closely related to?”

“Elephants and manatees.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Nothing in between?”

“Not really, no.”

“I just… how? Why?”

“Dunno. I like messing with you, mostly.”

Image Source: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen / Wikimedia Commons / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0

“Oh, that’s a cute one, evolution! What is that?”

“It’s a hyrax! It pees in holes.”

“Huh.”

“Guess what it’s most closely related to.”

“I don’t know, what?”

“No, guess.”

“I mean… rodents, right? It’s a rodent?”

“Nope. Teeth are different.”

“Oh. Um, is it some kind of tiny fat dog?“

“What? No.”

“Oh! Is it like that weird miniature deer you did?”

“Ha, no. That was a good one, though.”

“Okay, fine. I give up. What is the hyrax most closely related to?”

“Elephants and manatees.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Nothing in between?”

“Not really, no.”

“I just… how? Why?”

“Dunno. I like messing with you, mostly.”

Image Source: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen / Wikimedia Commons / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0

“Hey, look! If I have this Taonius squid float around with its arms above its head, it kind of looks like a funny bird.”

“More like an uncannily murderous bird, evolution.”

“Potayto, potahto.”

Source: Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI)

“Hey, look! If I have this Taonius squid float around with its arms above its head, it kind of looks like a funny bird.”

“More like an uncannily murderous bird, evolution.”

“Potayto, potahto.”

Source: Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI)